I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
