just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
