you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
