I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
