went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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