I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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