i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
