My brain says no but my pants say off.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
