I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
