a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
