just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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