Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
