im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
