I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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