remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
