wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
