Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
