Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize