I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I will be naked everywhere
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
