you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
