Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
