Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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