How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
