I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
