stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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