Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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