Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
