my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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