sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
