So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
