How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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