not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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