sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
