I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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