I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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