Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
