all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i will never coherently bang her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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