It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Alive.
So much puke
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
