I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
His nipple licking is glorious
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