Someone shit on the floor
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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