i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
