I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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