Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
