just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
