I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
