oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
