Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize