Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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