nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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