If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
