I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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