How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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