I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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