Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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