This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
