Moan for me like Helen Keller
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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