My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
