we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
