Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
