we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have grass duct taped all over my body
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
