I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
