I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
