That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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