is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
