she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
