Whod you bang
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Everyone says I win the strip club
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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