she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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