mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
