I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
