also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
