dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
